in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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