ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
