So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
