Who did Billy Mays play for?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
