Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
