someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
