He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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