his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
