He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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