There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
