U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Text me some of your sweat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
