I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've blown a few things in my day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
