I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
