Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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