maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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