Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
