About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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