I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
