Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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