She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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