i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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