Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
