Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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