i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
FUCK WHALES
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
