the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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