I want to have your abortion
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
