I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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