She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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