I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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