He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am available for nakedness
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
