I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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