weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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