I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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