Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
