i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
