***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
