did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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