dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
