The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
