I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
