I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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