just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
