ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
