my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
