My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
