I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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