HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
