woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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