I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
