cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He felt like a one man threesome
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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