he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
