If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
