so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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