okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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