I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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