The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
