Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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