So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
