So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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