I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
