I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
