Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
