Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
