she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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