At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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