after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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