dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
