non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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