There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
